Diwali, Guy Fawkes, Fireworks…. Yaay…. or not.

It’s amusing to watch what sort of people become hysterical over the effect that the fireworks have on animals during celebrations such as Diwali, Guy Fawkes, Chinese New Year and many others.


I’m not talking about those sick, small minded (or no-minded) little savages who single out animals for torture and abuse. I’d like to have a private interview with them (without witnesses of course) for just a week or two, whereafter I expect they will have a more comprehensive understanding of fear.

No, I’m talking about the thousands of people who sanctimoniously and volubly decry fireworks, but who are excellent at rationalising or justifying their own brand of cruelty, or who are strangely silent about their own inhumanity to their animals. If you are one of these people below – you are no better than the retarded firework fiends.

Just because your animal doesn’t begin trembling or cower under the bed in fear, doesn’t mean you’re not wrongfully and cruelly imposing your human will on it.

  • Are you the kind of person who will mercilessly breed and inter-breed your animal to the point that it has a pedigree as long as your arm; and resultant health issues of similar length?
  • Do you shave your pet up into fluff balls, dye it various colours or dress it up in human-like clothing? I don’t care if the dye is non-toxic, it’s obviously all for YOUR OWN amusement – you hateful wretch!
  • Do you feed it its daily bowl of pellets – simply because it says on the packet that it is a balanced diet? Conveniently, you will ignore the fact that this diet exclusively, can cause kidney stones, bone and joint disorders etc; and you wonder why your pet is suffering any of the above ailments in later years.
  • Alternatively, are you the kind of owner who feeds your animal human food and drink “because it’s my baby”? If you’re going to own a pet, have the humanity to learn about its dietary requirements and what the long-term effects of certain food brands are for your pet.
  • Are you the kind of owner where your pet will be pampered, polished and coiffed to enter breeding/grooming shows and competitions, so that YOUR ego can be satisfied with the rosette? In so many cases the animal has no clue what is going on, but just stands there in silent misery while YOU swan about with your ribbons and trophies.
  • Have you molly coddled your pet into a pathetic ball of simpering neuroses? An example of this kind of victim victims lives near me. As a result of being continuously doted on, these dogs (whose breed it is to be hunters) now cower and wet themselves at your feet and are petrified of everything. Significantly more irritating is their incessant jumping up for attention, despite the ineffective admonishments from their owner.
  • Do you have a working dog as a pet? Would you like to be forced to wear a ski jacket and thermal underwear on the equator? Isn’t that how your Husky feels in Durban? Tell me that’s not cruel.
  • In many cases, your pet views you as the leader. Therefore your reaction to the fireworks will either intensify or calm its reaction. More than one pet owner has said that sitting with the pet during the noise (fireworks or an electric storm) and talking in a calm, firm manner will help the animal realise it is not in immediate danger.
  • Do you buy your children a beribboned puppy for Christmas or birthday – primarily on its ‘cuteness factor’? Have you also already taught your child(ren) the appropriate sense of responsibility to care for it. So many times, the maid ends up feeding it – without giving it an ounce of true care.
  • Will you bleat on about fireworks scaring the animal – but then go away for the weekend (and sometimes longer) and simply leave the pet with a large lump of food and water, to fend for itself?
  • Do you carry the poor wretched animal in a bag or under your arm wherever you go – into town, malls etc? What makes you think your pet wants to accompany you everywhere you go?
  • When your dog is old, blind, riddled with arthritis and incontinent, do you force it to stay alive, with more pampering and expensive surgeries? In the natural scheme of things it would have died long ago. If you are, you’re a self-centred, heartless bastard.
  • Because YOU need YOUR pet with you – will you transport your pet in a small cage – on an aircraft, train or ship and at best, shed a tear or two – but no thought to the terror the animal endures?
  • Have you have anthropomorphised your animal to the point that you’re taking your pet to psychologists!
  • Loud noises happen in nature all the time. Why aren’t you also lobbying to keep aircraft out of the sky or noisy vehicles off the streets?
  • Will you coop up your large dog in a townhouse complex – simply because you want a pet. And because you take it on its daily walkies in the evening – you think that is sufficient for it, and you give no thought to its need for NATURAL exercise.

If you answered ‘yes’ to any one of these questions, I reckon you’re as guilty as those who terrify animals with fireworks.

I am in full agreement that we don’t let off fireworks in close proximity to animals. But, why not allocate a piece or pieces of public land that can be demarkated for use of fireworks during celebrations? Here, you and your family can celebrate your event in safety, for a specified time.

Fireworks have been around for thousands of years. Yes, even the ones that go bang, loudly. I don’t see why such old traditions should be compromised as a result of the abuses and neuroses of the few.

I shan’t be letting off fireworks, BUT I shall be switching the lounge light on and off saying “BANG”, “FIZZ” and “SHSHWISHSH” in a loud irritating voice, until someone screams shrilly or hurls a blunt instrument at me… [PS I’m looking for a clarinet – that’s blunt enough, no?]


About Freud Fission Chips

Despite the banality of the name, FFC has led an intensely varied life. Grateful for surviving almost three years as a 'troepie' (soldier for non-South African Readers) in the Angolan war, he determined to wring as much out of life as possible. Currently providing Business Analysis services, trading on the stock market and developing web pages to pay the bills, FFC also dabbles in wildlife, landscape and people photography, writing, and far too many interests for his own good. He has also travelled extensively in southern Africa (working on the sound theory that a moving target is more dificult to hit). These peregrinations also include over 1500kms on foot through some of the worlds most spectacular scenery. It hasn't all been plain sailing, beer and skittles, and endless beds of roses... Chief amongst the prerequisites for surviving Africa, with its mind-bending characteristics, is an appropriate sense of humour.... So, for now, he will be recounting the amusing among the annoying, the frustrating wrapped in the funny and extracting the mirth from the melancholy... Oh yes, there might be some alliteration too.
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2 Responses to Diwali, Guy Fawkes, Fireworks…. Yaay…. or not.

  1. news article says:

    The subsequent time I learn a blog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as a lot as this one. I imply, I do know it was my choice to learn, however I really thought youd have something interesting to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about something that you could fix in case you werent too busy searching for attention.

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